Cotton candy

EXT. RALPH'S PARKING LOT - DAY

PATRICK and JESSE approach their local Ralph's for the weekly Diet Coke restocking ceremony.

JESSE

Why does it smell like cotton candy?

PATRICK

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Patrick and Jesse purchase soda.

I'll Compact You!

EXT. CORNER BAKERY PARKING LOT - DAY

PATRICK deftly swings his truck into the last spot in the ever-crowded CORNER BAKERY PARKING LOT.

TINY CAR MAN

Excuse me, buddy! That's not a full-size spot, that's a compact spot!

Patrick sends the TINY CAR MAN a chrome glare from behind his impressive aviator sunglasses.

PATRICK

(non-chalant)

Excuse me, buddy. I'm not a person who cares, I'm a person who doesn't care.

Patrick enters the bakery for his phone order.

Don't Do The Twist

INT. PARENT'S HOUSE - MOTHER'S DAY

PATRICK rises from blu-ray 'LAST CHANCE HARVEY' for another Sierra Nevada.

PATRICK

Anybody else need something to drink?

MOM

Maybe a Corona Light if there's anything left.

PATRICK

Sure thing.

Patrick opens his mother a beer and then reminds himself with blood that Sierra Nevada is no longer twist-off.

When Pigs Flu...

INT. LAX - MORNING

PATRICK and JESSE muscle their way to the edge of a luggage carousel and await baggage.

JESSE

I don't feel so good.

PATRICK

Maybe it's swine flu.

An eavesdropper scoffs.

RANDOM WOMAN

That's not funny. Swine flu is killing people.

PATRICK

So is starvation. Doesn't make it any less hilarious.

In a huff, the RANDOM WOMAN tries and fails to retrieve her bag. Enveloped by the unyielding crowd, she will have to wait another awkward lap.

Diner Dinner

INT. NORM'S DINER - NIGHT

In the ongoing absence of his significant other, PATRICK indulges in a second consecutive evening at Norm's Diner.

BRIAN, a large man in his late 50's, enters and takes a seat beside Patrick at the bar, despite an array of options. He addresses each waitress by name, presumably in a bid to impress his fellow diners.

BRIAN

Hey, Lucy.

LUCY

Hey, Brian! How are you doing today?

BRIAN

Oh, fine. Hey, Rosalind.

Patrick picks at his chicken caesar salad, unimpressed.

4.3

INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

PATRICK sits alone before his latest screenwriting effort when his concentration is broken by the all-too-common rumblings of his apartment complex.

PATRICK

(to his upstairs neighbors)

C'mon guys! People live down here! Can't you bowl at a bowling alley like everyone else?

A quick glance at his Facebook reveals a batch of status updates regarding the earthquake he just misdiagnosed.