Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Funnies

David Fincher to direct The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo... Jesse James to date her.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Nether mind

INT. ALAMO MEXICAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT

The O'Riley family endulges in some delicious Mexican cuisine.

MOM

So how's Jesse doin' in Jamaica?

PATRICK

Actually she's in the Netherlands Antilles. Near Jamaica though. I guess she's having fun.

MIKEY

I thought Jamaica was a part of the Netherlands.

MOM

Jamaica's a country! That's why it has a bobsled team.

MIKEY

I just thought everything below the equator was the Netherlands.

PATRICK

But it's not below the equator.

DAD

I thought it was second star to the right and straight on til morning.

PATRICK

I think you're confusing it with something else.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Forever Yum

INT. MILITARY STORAGE WAREHOUSE - DAY

After 71 years of silence, CAPT. DANIEL MCCORMICK's cryo-stasis chamber suddenly cranks open. Capt. McCormick emerges from the resulting cloud of freezing fog, intensely hungry.

INT. CARL's JR. ACROSS THE STREET - DAY

The CASHIER gives Daniel's uniform a quick once over before asking what he'd like.

CASHIER

So what'll it be?

DANIEL

I guess a burger and fries.

CASHIER

What kinda burger? We got lots a burgers.

The cashier gestures to the menu over her head. Daniel shifts his gaze.

DANIEL

A six dollar burger?! Are you kidding me?

CASHIER

They're actually pretty good.

DANIEL

For six dollars they better be. Alright, I guess I'll have one of those.

CASHIER

That'll be 8.40.

DANIEL

What?!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Juvie Boal

INT. SCREENWRITING 101 - DAY

A portly PROFESSOR addresses a class of prospective screenwriters.

PROFESSOR

Now, a popular way to keep the audience engaged is to employ a ticking clock.

A hand goes up.

PROFESSOR

Yes, Mark.

MARK

What's so scary about a clock?

PROFESSOR

Well, it doesn't necessarily mean a clock exactly. Think of it more like a time bomb.

MARK

So if I write a movie about a time bomb, people will be in suspense, and suspense is good, right?

PROFESSOR

Well, sure, but a movie shouldn't be about things, it should be about people, and an audience can't spend an entire movie in suspense so you'll need to find places to break the tension.

MARK

So, like, a bunch of time bombs then.

PROFESSOR

Mark, the time bomb was just an example. Ordinarily you would use your creativity as a writer to come up with a more relevant and looming danger to the story's characters.

MARK

But death is dangerous.

PROFESSOR

I agree, but you don't need to be so literal with the concept. I'm trying to give you the freedom to explore...

MARK

But time bombs are still allowed, right?

PROFESSOR

Sure, Mark.

INT. 82nd ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS - NIGHT


TINA FEY and ROBERT DOWNEY JR. make standard award show chit-chat until the part people want to hear.

ROBERT

And the award goes to...

He hands the envelope to Tina.

TINA

Mark Boal for The Hurt Locker!

I see you... are wide awake now.

I'm gonna start a coffee shop called Javatar. It'll be in 3D... like every coffee shop, only here you will need to wear glasses.

Friday, March 5, 2010

News Corner

I am in the process of moving and won't have internet at home until a week from tomorrow. In the mean time, I will post sparingly from work.

Speaking of which, everyone following this blog with a genuine interest in screenwriting should sign up for this year's Script Frenzy at http://scriptfrenzy.org! Starting April 1st, all participants are expected to compose 3.333... pages every day to reach a total of 100 pages by April's end. It's a fun way to push yourself, knowing there are others in the same boat (often on the same page). If anyone is interested in buddying up with me through the site, simply search for username "patrickoriley".

27 days til the Frenzy!

Edit: ...Oh and it's free.