Divine Intervention

Second Attempt!

xtranormal.com

Ever heard of xtranormal.com?

It's been around a while, I guess. But I just found it, so this is newsworthy.

Basically, you pick out a scene and characters, plug in your dialogue, throw in a few limited gestures and hit render. It has a maximum of two characters at the moment, and the computer voices forced me to spell a lot of the script out phonetically, but it's still a really fun site.

Here is my first attempt.



Here's the script, in case those robots made any of it difficult to understand.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Two guys finish an argument about Aquaman.

GUY 1

Yeah, but Submariner was just a lame ripoff of Aquaman, and Aquaman was already the lamest superhero ever.

GUY 2

No way. Aquaman was awesome.

GUY 1

Yes way. Think about it. His superpowers were breathing underwater and talking to fish. The same powers bestowed upon every fish in the ocean.

GUY 2

There was more to him than that. He had super strength.

GUY 1

Yeah, so do I (beat) underwater.

The following scene was not created by me, but it's by far the funniest scene I have found on the site.

Pie Time!

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

JESSE closes up the oven and turns to PATRICK who is halfway through a load of dishes.

JESSE

I'm gonna hop in the shower really quick. If I'm not back before the timer goes off on these pies...

PATRICK

(interrupting)

...you want me to call the police?

JESSE

No, I want you to turn this down to 350.

PATRICK

Got it.

RIP: Dan O'Bannon

Dan O'Bannon, screenwriter of Alien, Heavy Metal, and Total Recall, has passed away from an undisclosed illness at the age of 63. Sad news for sci-fi fans and filmmakers alike.

I recently did a breakdown of Dan's Alien script as a part of my aborted attempt at Scott Myers's 14 Scripts in 14 Days challenge. I will miss the universes he created and also his talent for making up technical jargon that sounds completely reasonable and unforced.

Rest in Peace

More results!

More results are in! The Kid in the Front Row has announced the winner for Best Screenplay in his first annual screenwriting festival, and the honor goes to "Hypo-Whatever" which can be found below! The Kid will be announcing winners for Funniest and Most Original Screenplay shortly but for now patience is in order.

Sorry I haven't been walking the (beat) lately. Work has been pretty hectic, but winter hiatus starts tomorrow so you can look forward to an increase in activity soon!

Awards lost and won!

The results are in. The top three scripts from Julie Gray's One-page Challenge have been posted. Unfortunately, "Ragtime Christmas" is no longer in contention, but my money's on K.G. MadMan to take this thing home. The others were good scenes, but check out MadMan's "MEGA-CHRISTMAS"... He's got it in the bag:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE - NIGHT

The city sleeps peacefully. But somewhere in the distance a low hum becomes a RUMBLE. The buildings shake.

A skyscraper crumbles. Voices cry out in terror.

ROOFTOP

SANTA CLAUS (60’s) stumbles as the building wobbles beneath him. He checks his watch: 01:24 AM - DECEMBER 25, 2012.

SANTA

God damn Aztec calendar.

He tosses his cup of eggnog. WHISTLES.

EIGHT REINDEER swoop down from the sky pulling a magnificent red sled. They land on the edge of the roof as Santa DIVES into the driver’s seat.

Santa checks the backseat. A sack full of toys. Considers its weight. Tosses it off the roof and into the crumbling foundation of another building. Somewhere a lucky child catches that choo-choo he wanted while falling to his death.

LUCKY CHILD

Thanks SantAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Santa grips the reigns as a fissure TEARS THROUGH THE BUILDING! FIRE BURSTS FROM THE CHIMNEY STACK!

SANTA

Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder! On, Felicity!

The reindeer LUNGE FORWARD.

THE CRUMBLING SKYLINE

Santa jerks the reigns, pulling the sleigh HARD RIGHT--

--KABOOM! The CHRYSLER BUILDING barely misses his sleigh as

it SMASHES INTO TIMES SQUARE!

He jerks the reigns HARD LEFT and--

--HOLY SHIT! THERE GOES SOME MONUMENT!

Santa laughs, calling out to the crumbling city...

SANTA (CONT’D)

The North Pole is now Wisconsin!

So yeah... total win.

The silver lining here is that Tina over at The Clean White Page has decided to bestow upon this very blog the coveted Santa Claus award! Thanks much Tina!


In keeping with the pay-it-forward-esque tradition of the honor, I am required (by law I imagine) to pass it on to five worthy blogs... and without further ado...

Jesse Bayliss, The Steampunk Home, Kim Nunley, Frederator Studios

and last but certainly not least...

K.G. MadMan

Congrats to all and Happy Holidays!

Ragtime Christmas

This week's challenge comes from none other than the Script Department's Julie Gray by way of her blog Just Effing Entertain Me.

Our prompt: Use the words "Aztec" "eggnog" and "felicity" in the context of a 1-page Christmas script.

Seeing as how I had already included a lot of eggnog talk in my most recent contest submission, I decided this would be a sequel of sorts to that short.

Here goes...

INT. LIVING ROOM - CHRISTMAS MORNING

MIKE, 27 with a burgeoning paunch, takes conservative sips of his eggnog while his brother HANK, 29, and Hank's fiance ANNA, also 29, wrestle wrapping paper from the harmless claws of GOZER, a two month-old kitten.

They are seated in a small triangle, each point fortified with a pile of gifts.

ANNA

We're going clockwise, right?

MIKE

Hank's turn! (beat) I think you'll like this one.

HANK

Hm, this looks a lot like a record.

ANNA

No way! Really?

HANK

Did you seriously find Felicity Rag on vinyl?

MIKE

Guess you'll have to open it.

ANNA

Where did you find it? I looked everywhere!

Hank gently untapes the wrapping paper from the gift.

HANK

Oh... it's a calendar... for 2013...

Hank opens the calendar.

HANK

...and it's completely blank.

MIKE

It's an Aztec calendar, get it?

HANK

Is this because I faked hypoglycemia to steal your eggnog last year?

Gozer sneezes.

Hypo-Whatever by Patrick O'Riley

The following is my entry to The Kid in the Front Row's 2009 Online Screenwriting Festival.

Our Prompt:

* Your script must be no more than 5 pages long (6 including the cover page)
* The entire film is set in one place - the kitchen.
* You must use industry standard formatting.
* There are three characters: Anna, Mike and Hank.
* Anna wants something from Mike, but there's no way Mike is giving it away.

INT. KITCHEN - AFTERNOON

MIKE, 26 and barely overweight according to his WiiFit, starts working his way through a load of dirty dishes.

Just as Mike turns around, HANK, 28 and slimmer but clearly related, enters wearing a marathon bib and drenched in sweat.

Hank plops down onto a bar stool at the kitchen counter. He looks a bit under the weather.

MIKE

Hey, man! What was your time?

HANK

I think I hit the finish line at around five and a half hours.

MIKE

Wow. So you shaved like an hour off from last year.

HANK

(nonchalant)

An hour and fifteen minutes.

MIKE

Nice, man! You feeling okay? Were you gonna take a shower? I can hold off on this stuff.

Mike motions to the sink full of crusty dishes and silverware.

HANK

Anna has dibs on first shower.

MIKE

What was her time?

Hank now looks nauseous.

HANK

Actually, she beat me.

MIKE

So the world may never know.

ANNA, 28 and athletic looking, enters similarly sweaty.

ANNA

Shut up, Mike.

MIKE

You shut up.

Anna kisses Hank.

ANNA

(to HANK)

You feeling better, sweetie?

HANK

A little. Can we turn on the AC?

Mike looks confused.

MIKE

It's on full blast.

ANNA

Can you seriously not feel that?

Hank begins shaking.

HANK

I think I'm gonna pass out.

Hank leans back on the stool and Anna catches him. His eyes roll back in his head. Anna is already panicking.

ANNA

Sweetie?! Oh my god!

MIKE

Hank, what's wrong?! HANK!

ANNA

I think he's going into hypoglycemic shock! Quick find something with sugar in it!

MIKE

What are you talking about? Hank doesn't have hypo-whatever!

ANNA

No, he does! We just found out! Like a month ago.

Anna holds Hank up while Mike frantically scours the kitchen for glucose.

Mike checks the sugar dispenser, which is empty.

ANNA

What about syrup? Like maple syrup or something?

MIKE

I think we killed the syrup with yesterday's pancakes.

ANNA

Well, what else has sugar? Do you have any soda?

Mike shuffles through the fridge.

MIKE

It's all diet.

ANNA

(to HANK)

Hang in there, sweetie. We'll find somethin'.

Mike notices a half carton of eggnog. He reacts with dread. He looks back to Anna and then pushes the carton deep into the fridge, hiding it.

Hank mumbles something in Anna's ear.

ANNA

What?

HANK

(mumbling louder)

Eggnog...

ANNA

Hank, it's February. Nobody has eggnog.

HANK

(mumbling softer)

Mike does...

Anna and Mike lock eyes.

ANNA

Mike, do you have any eggnog?

HANK

(mumbling)

Mikey always has eggnog...

MIKE

(nervously)

Are you kidding? It's February.

ANNA

(losing her patience)

Do you?

Mike hangs his head in defeat.

ANNA

C'mon Mike! This isn't a game! Your brother could be going into a coma! Do you have any eggnog or don't you?

MIKE

(reluctantly)

Yes. (beat) But are you sure it'll help? I mean, this is literally the last carton of the season! I had to hit up six grocery stores for it! I drove 35 miles out of town!

Mike is tearing up.

ANNA

If you don't hand over that eggnog now, your brother may die. Give me the god damned eggnog, Mike.

Mike pours a half a glass of eggnog for his brother.

ANNA

(shouting)

FILL THE GLASS!

Mike fills the glass and brings it to Hank's lips. Hank's hands move in slowly to take the glass.

ANNA

There you go, sweetie. Drink up!

Hank starts to sit up on the stool and Anna takes a step away.

Mike watches nervously to see if his brother's condition gets any better.

Suddenly, from over Mike's shoulder, Anna speaks.

ANNA

Wow, this is pretty good.

Mike turns to see she is drinking from another glass! The last of his eggnog!

MIKE

What are you doing? Why would you drink my eggnog? They won't have it in stores again til December! (beat) And what if Hank needs a second glass? Now we don't have anymore sugar!

Suddenly, Hank is impossibly healthy and responds to Anna as if Mike isn't even there.

HANK

(to ANNA)

See? I can't believe you've never had eggnog before.

MIKE

Are you kidding me? You're not even hypo-whatever, are you?

HANK

Thanks for the nog, man. I'm gonna hit the shower.

Hank walks away. Anna follows him out.

ANNA

I had dibs!

Mike is dumbfounded.

Day 7 (Shawshank Redemption)

Today we touch on Frank Darabont's screenplay for The Shawshank Redemption. This script falls on the flowery end of the scale as scripts go, possibly because it is adapted from a Stephen King novel, and possibly because it was written by Frank-friggen-Darabont. Either way, I'd say it's unlikely I'll encounter lines like this in the Die Hard script tomorrow...

INT. ANDY'S CELL - DAWN (1954)

ANGLE ON RITA POSTER. Sexy as ever. The rising sun sends fingers of rosy light creeping across her face.

We see a lot of ANGLE ONs in this script because, as with several in this experiment, the writer also ended up the director and this is a shooting script, not an early draft.

Another neat advantage to being Frank Darabont is earning the right to break our lowly first-time screenwriter rules and specify soundtrack choices in the script. And he does it with such zest...

INT. PRISON CORRIDOR - DAY (1965)

DOLLYING Tommy as he struts along, combing his ducktail, cigarette behind his ear. We definitely need The Coasters or Del Vikings on the soundtrack here. Maybe Jerry Lee Lewis.

The script reads pretty exactly how the film does, well-written from both a literary standpoint and a formatting standpoint. You really can't ask for a much better script.

But we'll try tomorrow with the shooting script for Die Hard written by Jeb Stuart with revisions by Steven E. DeSouza.

Day 6 (Fargo)

Today's film is the Coen Brothers masterpiece Fargo. Nobody writes dialogue like the Coens. The lines in the film are so perfectly tailored to the situations and to what the character is trying to avoid saying that a simple stutter can reveal a paragraph of intent. Add to that the phonetic spelling of the Midwestern accents and you get lines like this:

CARL

What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry?

JERRY

Well, that's, that's, I'm not gonna go inta, inta - see, I just need money. Now, her dad's real wealthy -

or this...

MIKE

Well, how the heck are ya?

MARGE

Okay, ya know. Okay.

MIKE

Yah?

MARGE

Yah - how are you doon?

In places, the dialogue is so specific with how different characters will pronounce different words that it almost casts itself. If I hadn't seen this and someone said William H. Macy's in it, I would know exactly who he plays. Same with Steve Buscemi. The characters remind me of the specific actors, even of their characters in other movies. Perhaps Whiz Kid Donnie Smith and Mr. Pink respectively. Of course Magnolia was after Fargo so perhaps Jerry was more of an inspiration for Donnie than the other way around.

What I considered to be the most memorable scene in the film, is just as memorable on the page. I am sure a lot of people go right for the wood chipper, but I always imagine this scene when I think of the Fargo...

We are high and wide on the office building's parking lot. Jerry emerges wrapped in a parka, his arms sticking stiffly out at his sides, his breath vaporizing. He goes to his car, opens its front door, pulls out a red plastic scraper and starts methodically scraping off the thin crust of ice that has developed on his windshield.

The scrape-scrape-scrape sound carries in the frigid air.

Jerry goes into a frenzy, banging the scraper against the windshield and the hood of his car.

The tantrum passes. Jerry stands panting, staring at nothing in particular.

Scrape-scrape-scrape - he goes back to work on the windshield.

I always loved that this scene plays high and wide because it makes it that much more embarrassing for Jerry if its his father-in-law's view of the scene. It's fun how much of the direction comes across in their scripts.

Tomorrow we discuss The Shawshank Redemption from that Frank Darabont dude.

Day 5 (Body Heat)

Before I get too deep here, I should remind you readers that this review of Lawrence Kasdan's script for Body Heat will contain spoilers.

I enjoyed this script and I have not seen the movie but I probably will soon. However there are some things wrong with this version of the script, and indeed every version I could find, unless I am an idiot for being confused by this.

Toward the end of page 26, I am suddenly treated to a few scenes from Dick Tracy and then we're back into Body Heat. Now, it doesn't seem like anyone suddenly flicks on a television to suddenly watch these scenes. I don't know if this is a scene accidentally pasted in from a Dick Tracy script, and considering Dick Tracy came out nine years later, the blame is probably wholly the transcriber's.

EXT. INTERSECTION

A block away from the station, the patrol car races toward an intersection. Suddenly, a WOMAN steps into the street, pushing a baby buggy. Pat slams on the brakes, and the car skids sideways toward the intersection, where it rocks onto two wheels and stops just a few yards short of the buggy. Sam sticks his head out the window.

SAM

Are you crazy, lady? Didn't you hear the siren?

The woman dives to the ground as the BABY sits up in the buggy -- he is a midget with a cigar in his mouth and a tommy gun in his hands. Pat jerks Sam to the floor just as the midget opens fire.

Anyway, I'm fairly certain these scenes aren't meant to unfold within the story of Body Heat, and if they are, they at least deserve a mention somewhere in the remaining 94 pages.

Another, possibly misplaced scene interrupts Racine tracking down Matty in Pinehaven. At one point he is pulling into her hometown, then he's suddenly back at home with another woman, then back to Pinehaven. Wah?

EXT. PINEHAVEN - DAY

Racine drives past a neat sign -- "You are entering PINEHAVEN Please drive carefully" There's money here. Many of the homes are not visible from the street -- only their gates announce their presence. Those that can be seen are sprawling and lavish. The Waterway appears to the left. A large white yacht cruises slowly by.

INT. RACINE'S APARTMENT - DAY

Racine sits in bed smoking a cigarette. At the mirror, a Nurse in a fresh white uniform steps into her white shoes and begins attaching her cap with bobby pins.

INT. COCKTAIL LOUNGE - PINEHAVEN - NIGHT

Dark. Almost classy. The place is half full. Matty is drinking at the end of the bar, her cigarettes next to her glass. The bar chairs near her are empty.

I guess it makes sense that he could be casing the town, then head home for a sex break, and then head back, but I don't see how it adds to the character other than, for the first time, indicating a womanizing tendency that is barely touched upon again. All in all it feels like something that was plugged in later to flesh out the character.

Of course these appear to be specifically technical issues. The script itself is very solid and the many twists and turns caught me off guard again and again. It stays true to its noir roots, almost to a fault at the film's conclusion.

I almost would have preferred a break from tradition at the end where the person the protagonist has ultimately accused is not the mastermind, which would not have been especially difficult. Instead it closes with a bit of a ham-handed stolen identity routine involving a character we had the pleasure of knowing for about four seconds in the first act.

Still the dialogue is consistently engaging without ever seeming "on the nose." For the most part, the atmosphere of the film comes across vividly in the action lines. I was sitting in an air-conditioned apartment for my entire reading but I felt like I was sweating through the whole thing with Racine in the sweltering Miami humidity.

Here's an example of one of my favorite lines, and there are many more where this came from.

TEDDY

Hey, now I want to ask you something, Are you listening, asshole, because I like you?

(Racine nods)

I got a serious question for you. What the fuck are you doing? This is not shit for you to be messing with. Are you ready to hear something? See if this sounds familiar. Anytime you try a decent crime, there is fifty ways to fuck up. If you think of twenty-five of them you're a genius. And you're no genius.

Tune in tomorrow for my reading of some obscure film called Fargo by a couple of one-hit-wonders who called themselves the Coen Brothers.

Day 4 (Some Like it Hot)

Today's script for 1959's Some Like It Hot comes from the capable hands of Billy Wilder and I.A.L. Diamond. It was easily the most fun I've had reading a script so far in this exercise. The dialogue is so quick witted and entertaining.

SUGAR

Yes. I come from a very musical family. My mother is a piano teacher and my father was a conductor.

JOE

Where did he conduct?

SUGAR

On the Baltimore and Ohio.

JOE

Oh.

The pacing is incredible. Every scene leads immediately into the next and none of them exists solely as exposition. I found the action scenes to be really exciting and violent for a comedy.

This was a shooting script, so it translates to the film almost word for word. I appreciated that Marilyn Monroe's character was not her typical dumb blond persona. Sure, she had a habit of drowning her sorrows, but most of the time she was as quick and intelligent as anyone else in the script.

SUGAR

(continuing)

How's the stock market?

JOE

(lackadaisically)

Up, up, up.

SUGAR

I'll bet just while we were talking, you made like a hundred thousand dollars.

JOE

Could be. Do you play the market?

SUGAR

No - the ukulele. And I sing.

I also loved the decision that Joe's millionare character would speak entirely in a Cary Grant impression. The scene on "his" yacht is masterfully written and as Joe's intentions become more and more obvious it just gets funnier and funnier.

SUGAR

Water polo - isn't that terribly dangerous?

JOE

I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.

Tune in tomorrow for my thoughts on Lawrence Kasdan's 3rd Draft of Body Heat.

Day 3 (Alien)

Day 3 of the exercise deals with the screenplay written by Dan O'Bannon and rewritten by Walter Hill and David Giler for Ridley Scott's Alien.

The draft of Alien referenced by Scott Myers' exercise appears to be fairly late in the script's development, as evidenced by credited rewriters, which is to say, the script is practically the same as the film. Some have accused Dan O'Bannon of borrowing shamelessly from John Carpenter's Dark Star which Dan also wrote, but who knows.

As far as formatting, I liked how the consecutive actions of a character were listed, not in paragraph form, but more like a list of sentence fragments.

INT. HYPERSLEEP VAULT

Explosion of escaping gas.

The lid on a freezer pops open.

Slowly, groggily, KANE sits up.

Pale.

Kane rubs the sleep from his eyes.

Stands.

Looks around.

Stretches.

Looks at the other freezer compartments.

Scratches.

Moves off.

Also visible in that example is O'Bannon's neglect for a DAY or NIGHT tag in the scene heading. Of course, this is because of the location in space where Day and Night are not applicable. This pertains in a way to a script I am wrapping up now which takes place largely underground, where characters are incapable of distinguishing the time of day.

I also found it worth pointing out that, against the recent advice of Mr. John August, either Walter Hill or David Giler found it necessary to include a list of characters. Something that is generally not advised by anyone.

INT. MESS

The crew of the United States commercial starship Nostromo seated around a table.

Dallas.........Captain

Kane...........Executive Officer

Ripley.........Warrant Officer

Ash............Science Officer

Lambert........Navigator

Parker.........Engineer

Brett..........Engineering Technician

Jones..........Cat

But I guess It's kind of okay here since they are all sitting at the table together, potentially in that order.

Tune in tomorrow for "Some Like It Hot"

Day 2 (Witness)

Today's script is for the 1985 Harrison Ford classic Witness, written by Earl W. Wallace, William Kelly, and Pamela Wallace.

Due to the fact that I haven't seen this film in a good many years, I will be foregoing the script-to-film comparison and focusing completely on formatting stuff.

Firstly, the spacing out of action lines I mentioned in my Back to the Future script review occurs much more often here.

The only instance I found it especially helpful was in the dividing of a large combined area into separate parts without a whole mess of new scene headings.

EXT. COUNTRY LANE - DAY

Two Amish buggies reach a crossroads, join a procession of three others. They disappear as the lane wends through a leafless thicket of hickory.

VALLEY

A BIG SHOT... now the procession numbers almost a dozen buggies... it is headed toward a distant farmhouse.

BARNYARD

Where literally dozens of carriages are parked. The horses have been taken from the traces, removed to the shelter of the barn.

Unfortunately the script I am working on now takes place mostly within a single building, so this technique might effectively cut the entire film down to four or five scene headings from beginning to end, which is not my plan.

I also noticed, and plan to borrow, the montage technique I found in this one. An introduction with a sort of shot list preceded with ellipses.

As the morning progresses:

...Book and Hochstetler sawing and augering out heavy timbers on big sawhorses. There's an unmistakable atmosphere of competition between the two men, which doesn't go entirely unnoticed by the half-dozen or so other young men on the gang.

...or, indeed, by Rachel; in fact, she seems – without leaning on it too heavily – to be measuring the two men as the morning progresses, and she occasionally passes within proximity of them.

...Eli and a couple of other elders prowling the job with sheaves of hand-drawn sketches under their arms, supervising the construction. All around them the structure is rising with remarkable rapidity.

...Rachel, where she's helping the women set out the huge noon meal. Other women are sitting on benches in the b.g., knitting or doing quiltwork.

...Samuel, where he's banging away with a hammer, with a group of boys his own age. Elsewhere we see little girls "botching" (a hand-clapping game played to German rhymes).

...The very elderly; sitting on the grass or in wheelchairs in the sunlight, looking on – the old men kibitzing in German, the women gossiping.

Until...

The last thing I found, literally, was the hallmark of any 80's film worth watching...

FREEZE FRAME.

FADE OUT

THE END

Day 1 (Back to the Future)

So Scott Myers, screenwriter of K-9, has a blog of screenwriting advice. A little over a year ago, he wrote a post about how reading existing scripts can help immensely in developing your own craft. He followed the post with a list of 14 scripts which he advised people to read in a span of 14 days.

I am taking him up on the challenge over a year late.

My plan is to divide my findings into (a) interesting script format things I hadn't considered, and (b) things that changed from script to film and whether or not I approve.

Also, be prepared for spoilers script and film-wise.

Today's script is Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale's first draft of Back to the Future.

(a) Format Stuff

There were only two things I hadn't really seen before used here. The first of which was underlining to accentuate a word where I would usually italicize. I think I actually prefer the underlining because it is much clearer to the reader as italicizing can occasionally go unnoticed, resulting in the dreaded misreading of a line.

Another thing, which I am less likely to borrow, was spacing out action lines by naming an object or person in all caps with one line and then describing the object or person in a following paragraph. For example:

A CRATE

with purple radioactivity emblems labeled: EXTREME DANGER! RADIOACTIVE PLUTONIUM! AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY! DO NOT HANDLE WITHOUT RADIATION SUIT! And further down, “Property of San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant, San Onofre, California.” The orange is resting right up against it.

MARTY

takes a deep breath, then uses his foot to roll the orange away from the crate. He cautiously backs away from the cot and tosses the orange into a trash can. Professor Brown continues sleeping soundly.

In a few instances the object or person was centered, but I suspect that was more typo than formatting.

(b) What's the Diff?

The biggest differences between the script and film are in the sending of Marty McFly back and forth through time, but I'll come back to that.

There are little almost needless adjustments. The orange vest was originally a Porsche Jacket, the Enchantment Under The Sea Dance was once the Springtime in Paris Dance, a dog named Einstein was formerly a monkey named Shemp, and luckily for us the famous line "1.21 Gigawatts" replaced the slightly less memorable...

PROF. BROWN

4200 rads? Good God!

In this draft of the script, the benefits of time travel are much more pronounced. The film starts out in an almost desolate Hill Valley. All the businesses are shutting down and Marty's teachers give depressing lectures on the eminent threat of a nuclear apocalypse. But upon his return, he finds the town transformed into a thriving steampunk utopia populated exclusively with the inventions of one Doctor Emmett Brown. In this crazy new future, inflation works more like deflation (50 cents an hour is a generous living wage) and people use Coca-Cola to fuel their flying cars.

One of the things I found interesting in the original draft was Marty's penchant for crime. His first thought upon being introduced to the time machine is to send back horse racing results, and he appears to be something of a VHS pirate and potentially a pot smoker...

DONALDSON

Hey, you wanna come over? Get high?

MARTY

Maybe tomorrow. I gotta dupe some more tapes.

That feels more like Eric Stoltz than Michael J. Fox to me.

A few of the things that bothered me about the original script, which were of course eventually corrected, were the coincidences that seemed to unfold one after another. Instead of following George to where he spies on Lorraine (originally Eileen), Marty just dumbfoundedly wanders up to her house alone, faints when he meets her, and wakes up to Professor Brown, who Eileen's family called to check on the boy.

As much as I have always enjoyed the image of a gang of Libyans opening their new bomb to find a mess of pinball machine parts, I was surprised and a bit pleased to find a much more believable source for Doc's plutonium in this draft. He simply stole it from a nuclear power plant. Instead of being attacked by the Libyans in the parking lot of the Twin Pines Mall, a pair of Nuclear Regulation Commission agents burst in just as the experiment reaches the point of no return.

Which brings us back to the most compelling difference, that which sets the film leaps and bounds ahead of this draft, the severe lack of DeLorean. But it's not just the DeLorean that's gone, it's the clock tower, it's the lightning, it's all the images anyone conjures up at the mention of the film.

Traveling backward, Marty isn't even sent by vessel, but rather by beam of light. From the way it is described, I imagine the time machine closely resembling a machine Rick Moranis might have used to shrink his various children. But that's not even the most important change.

In the film, Marty has a love note from Jennifer on the back of a "Save the Clock Tower" flier. Here it's written on the back of a page Marty has torn from his science book describing the last above-ground detonation of a nuclear weapon, two days after his parents' first date.

That's right folks, but it gets better. As Marty wanders the nuclear test site, complete with fully-furnished track housing and mannequins in life-like poses, I am reminded of yet another, much more recent Steven Spielberg production. I'll let you guys be the judge, but you can probably guess where Marty hides to survive the nuclear blast.

Hint: It rhymes with "a refrigerator."

Wires are our friends...

Today's lesson is to always own a wired keyboard.

Wireless keyboards can be a lot of fun! You can pause movies from across the room, wander around as you type, and there are no messy cords tripping you up along the way.

But as I learned today, they are less fun to throw away. Especially when they stop working four pages from the end of a script you are pitching to someone in an hour. Wired keyboards prevent syncing issues as well as battery money issues.

Besides one probably came with your computer. Just keep it on hand.

Good intentions...

I want to be a screenwriter when I grow up, but I'm only 26 so I still have decades to decide. In the meantime, I will be detailing my efforts here.

Lately fortune seems to have smiled on me and if all goes according to plan, I will try to use this blog to convey the lessons I learn the hard way, as well as link to the ones I learn the easy way. If, however, things go the other way, I will use this outlet to vent my furious rage.

Fingers crossed.

Silver Screenwriting Competition

A quick congratulations to Kodjo Akeseh Tsakpo and his thriller script "Shift" for winning the 2009 Silver Screenwriting Competition. It was a fun contest and I look forward to entering again next year.

Self-Served

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

In the after-hours absence of an employee parking structure, PATRICK scrambles to make a delivery by parking at the neighboring gas station. He rushes into the office building, oblivious to the protests of the GAS STATION OWNER.

GAS STATION OWNER

Excuse me, sir! SIR! HEY!

Patrick makes his delivery. He returns to find the man, with arms akimbo, shaking his head in disappointment.

GAS STATION OWNER

So, are you just gonna ignore me?

PATRICK

I'm sorry?

GAS STATION OWNER

I was yelling at you to stop and you just ran away from me.

PATRICK

Sorry. What did you want?

In spite of Patrick's respectful tone, the man grows illogically frustrated.

GAS STATION OWNER

You can't just park here and run off. This is for customers only.

PATRICK

Oh. I didn't see a sign anywhere.

Now the man is furious.

GAS STATION OWNER

There isn't one! I'm telling you now.

PATRICK

Okay, sorry.

The man steps down his fury a half notch.

GAS STATION OWNER

If you want to park here, you can come in and buy something.

PATRICK

Alright, well. Note to self.

Patrick enters his car and starts it to find he is dangerously low on gas.

In plain view of his verbal assailant, he pulls out of the station and into the one across the street. He purchases the most satisfying 22.4 gallons of premium gasoline he ever has... or ever will.

Reimaginings...

INT. APARTMENT - DAY

PATRICK and MIKEY are enjoying Treasure Planet, courtesy of Netflix, when JON enters.

JON

What is this?

PATRICK

Treasure Planet.

Jon observes in silence for a moment.

JON

This is lame. I liked it better the first time, when it was called Muppet Treasure Island.

Jon exits.

Cough Cough

INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

PATRICK and JESSE catch up on Star Trek: The Original Series.

JESSE

Oh, I forgot to tell you... I spilled Indian food on my car floor mat today. I had to wash it in the bathroom and it's hanging on the shower door so if you wanted to take a shower...

Jesse coughs twice, either genuinely or suggestively.

JESSE

(cont'd)

...you should take the mat down.

PAT

Jeeze, I get it. I stink. I'll take a shower.

JESSE

No! I was just saying if you wanted to...

Jesse coughs twice, either genuinely or suggestively.

JESSE

...that you could.

Patrick takes the hint.

Guest Scene #1 (submitted by Mikey)

INT. THEATER - AFTERNOON

MIKEY, IAN, and AOISE are watching Drag Me To Hell after drinking three "Brain Blasters" each.

IAN

(yelling)

It's cool, because this is the kind of movie you can just talk all the way through and no one cares!

There is an audible groan from the audience. Aoise suddenly pukes.

IAN

My backpack!

Yum-Yum Quesadilla

INT. YUM-YUM DONUTS - NIGHT

PATRICK, JESSE, and the CARTOON CLUB GANG wrap up a night of cartoon trivia with the classic one-two punch of Taco Bell and Yum-Yum Donuts.

JESSE

I'm a weirdo? You're the one eating a chicken quesadilla you dropped on the floor of a Dunkin' Donuts.

PATRICK

First of all it's a steak quesadilla...

JESSE

Whatever.

PATRICK

Second of all, this is a Yum-Yum Donuts.

JESSE

Whatever! It's still gross.

PATRICK

Third of all... five second rule.

Jesse gives up. Patrick continues eating.

The Candle Man Can...

INT. TARGET - DAY

PATRICK and JESSE meander through the candle aisle.

JESSE

I'm thinking something like this.

Patrick takes a whiff.

PATRICK

What is that? Laundry?

JESSE

Lavender springs.

PATRICK

How bout this one?

Jesse smells Patrick's feeble attempt.

JESSE

What is that? Jelly donut?

PATRICK

Exactly!

JESSE

We aren't getting jelly donut candles. (beat) These ones are nice. Smell that.

PATRICK

It smells like laundry.

JESSE

It's vanilla mist.

PATRICK

What about this?

JESSE

Is that pumpkin pie?

PATRICK

Yeah.

JESSE

Why do all your candles smell like food?

PATRICK

Why do all your candles smell like laundry?

JESSE

Why do I bother bringing you here?

Cotton candy

EXT. RALPH'S PARKING LOT - DAY

PATRICK and JESSE approach their local Ralph's for the weekly Diet Coke restocking ceremony.

JESSE

Why does it smell like cotton candy?

PATRICK

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Patrick and Jesse purchase soda.

I'll Compact You!

EXT. CORNER BAKERY PARKING LOT - DAY

PATRICK deftly swings his truck into the last spot in the ever-crowded CORNER BAKERY PARKING LOT.

TINY CAR MAN

Excuse me, buddy! That's not a full-size spot, that's a compact spot!

Patrick sends the TINY CAR MAN a chrome glare from behind his impressive aviator sunglasses.

PATRICK

(non-chalant)

Excuse me, buddy. I'm not a person who cares, I'm a person who doesn't care.

Patrick enters the bakery for his phone order.

Don't Do The Twist

INT. PARENT'S HOUSE - MOTHER'S DAY

PATRICK rises from blu-ray 'LAST CHANCE HARVEY' for another Sierra Nevada.

PATRICK

Anybody else need something to drink?

MOM

Maybe a Corona Light if there's anything left.

PATRICK

Sure thing.

Patrick opens his mother a beer and then reminds himself with blood that Sierra Nevada is no longer twist-off.

When Pigs Flu...

INT. LAX - MORNING

PATRICK and JESSE muscle their way to the edge of a luggage carousel and await baggage.

JESSE

I don't feel so good.

PATRICK

Maybe it's swine flu.

An eavesdropper scoffs.

RANDOM WOMAN

That's not funny. Swine flu is killing people.

PATRICK

So is starvation. Doesn't make it any less hilarious.

In a huff, the RANDOM WOMAN tries and fails to retrieve her bag. Enveloped by the unyielding crowd, she will have to wait another awkward lap.

Diner Dinner

INT. NORM'S DINER - NIGHT

In the ongoing absence of his significant other, PATRICK indulges in a second consecutive evening at Norm's Diner.

BRIAN, a large man in his late 50's, enters and takes a seat beside Patrick at the bar, despite an array of options. He addresses each waitress by name, presumably in a bid to impress his fellow diners.

BRIAN

Hey, Lucy.

LUCY

Hey, Brian! How are you doing today?

BRIAN

Oh, fine. Hey, Rosalind.

Patrick picks at his chicken caesar salad, unimpressed.

4.3

INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

PATRICK sits alone before his latest screenwriting effort when his concentration is broken by the all-too-common rumblings of his apartment complex.

PATRICK

(to his upstairs neighbors)

C'mon guys! People live down here! Can't you bowl at a bowling alley like everyone else?

A quick glance at his Facebook reveals a batch of status updates regarding the earthquake he just misdiagnosed.

Welcome

INT. HOME OFFICE - NIGHT

PATRICK sits at his computer, a quarter after four in the morning, copying and pasting Scrippets code to his Blogger template.

PATRICK

Man, I should probably try to get some sleep. We're leaving for a family gathering in Pioneertown in like five hours and I'm still wide awake.

He publishes his first Scrippets post.